A relationship counsellor's perspective on pre-nuptial agreements

Today people are staying single longer and acquiring more assets - or bringing assets from past relationships - when they start a new relationship.  Successful relationships are based on shared perspective.  Whether you are establishing or affirming a relationship, it is important to find out about your partner’s values and compare your expectations and outlook on practical issues such as career, finances and where to live.

Although these may all be considered non-romantic topics, not discussing them can lead to relationship conflict in the future.   From these discussions a couple will set individual and shared goals for the future.

If you are considering a pre-nuptial agreement:

• Don’t wait until the last minute to raise the subject.  It should be as much a part of discussions as where you will live; and if or when you will have children.

• Don’t feel threatened - we all plan for life events with processes such as wills and insurance.

• You may feel your partner is telling you they don’t trust your commitment.  The reality is deciding how to manage the future can help to strengthen a relationship.

• Remember that relationships are about disagreements, as much as about agreements.  Learning to manage the disagreements is what makes for success.

• Keep in mind that marriage is a contract.  You wouldn’t enter into any other contract without reading and agreeing on the fine print.  Treat pre-nuptial agreements in the same manner.

• Consider counselling or a relationship preparation course which can help provide a personalised approach where you can plan your future together.